I lay now at home, back with my mother after moving out of college for good. I really am so happy to see her and so happy I get to spend the next 52 days in her presence. Lately I have been recognizing how beautiful life is and I've caught myself either crying or smiling without much notice. When I walked out of my last exam I smiled, even though Im pretty sure I didn't get the grade I wanted. When I got off work yesterday morning I cryed, even though I would be off for the next 5 days. When I pulled up to my moms house I smiled, even though the front door was locked. Each time the emotions come as some innate response that I can't prevent even after trying. Graduation is two days from now and I am sure I will smile and cry.
These last few days leading up to graduation have proven to me how blessed I am (I also received my FINAL DENTAL AND MEDICAL CLEARENCE, can I get a high pitched shriek of joy?). A lot went wrong these past four years but so much more went right. "Qadr Allahu Masha Fa'al" is what Muslims say when something happens that they may not have wanted to happen, it translates to "God has decreed it and what he willed has happened". This is the mindset I want to maintain while in Benin, because truly, nothing is in our control. I am sure being stood up for meetings, sicknesses, botchy communication, and other unforeseen events will make me question my being there. Through it all I just want to be able to see the big picture and remember that God put me there for a reason. So I know on my last post I said I would post next about my fears. Well aside from ants, snakes, and possibly losing a loved one while miles away from the USA, I am so afraid that I will not discover my purpose while I am gone. That I will either grow impatient and leave in blind frustration or that I will waste my time while there and come back with none of my goals fulfilled. Hopefully I can look back at this post and remember Qadr Allahu Wa Masha Fa'al.
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