For all the people that told me that I’d
never amount to nothing, and for them tricks that always talked smack and tried
to hold me back when I was just trying to get through life, and all the
outcasts in the struggle. Know what I’m saying, baby, baby…
I haven’t exactly “made it” yet but I feel
myself closer than I’ve ever felt before. Arriving in this country there were
things I never thought I had the strength to do. Like stand before 50 plus
people and speak in English and French. Break my own rules. Run 35km .Accept
myself as God has made me. Open myself to help. Acknowledging my strengths, limits,
faults. And so much more. I may be even closing in on choosing a career (I know
let’s have a moment of silence for that one).
So reading that last passage you may think
that Benin has been cake for me. I do not want to lie, because it hasn’t. It’s
been hard as hell and I judge no volunteer who decides to peace out before 2
years. But honestly, all the hardships
that it offers just make it that much more meaningful. There are still moments
where I wonder if I’m cut out for this, where I cry my eyes out, where I think
it might be better for me to pack it all up. But I pull through and for me this
is how:
1. I pray. We all have our own ways of
doing this. For some it may be manifested in meditating or yoga but for me I’ve
gotten through some of my toughest moments by taking a few minutes of my time
and just praying and talking to Allah.
2. Thinking about the struggles I’ve
experienced in my past. When I’m facing difficulties here I like to think back
on times that challenged me in the past and think about how I got through them.
I like to think about how they made me stronger in the end. And think about how
no matter what, when I manage to get to the next day, the problems never seemed
as bad as they did the day before.
3. Putting me first. I know I’m here to
help the people but I can’t help anyone if I’m not OK first. So I do whatever I
need to do to stay sane. Everyone may not agree with my methods. For example, I
don’t like being called out of my name (refer to previous blog for more info),
and no matter how much I tell people this they still continue. So my solution
is that wherever I go my headphones go with me, sometimes I have them in
without music. I ignore everyone that I
don’t want to talk to between my home and my destination and when I run into
someone later and they’re like “oh hey I said hello to you the other day and
you ignored me” I tell them I didn’t hear them. Problem solved. Peace Corps
encourages integration, but I’m integrated enough and if this is what I have to
do to not get frustrated every time I leave my house this is what I’ll do.
SN: Maggie is back and possibly pregnant!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment